Movin' On Up

“Well we're movin’ on up, to the east side, to a deluxe apartment in the sky.”   The lyrics are from the theme song of a television show The Jeffersons, which was a spin-off of one of the most popular shows of all time, All in the Family.  The Jeffersons debuted in 1975 and lasted 11 seasons, which oddly, was longer than All in the Family. The show was about a black family that moved from a working class NY neighborhood to a luxury Manhattan apartment.

In 1978 my friend and I moved from the upper Midwest to the Northern California East Bay area.  We were offered jobs with a newly formed distributor of our previous employer.  My friend moved there several months before me; I had to finish a semester of school and complete my Best Man obligations for a very good friend.  In retrospect, I think my friend would have preferred I didn’t fulfill my obligations.

The friend that I moved to California with, was a very frugal man.  He rented an apartment for us in the lowest cost part of a very low cost city.  The day I arrived after a 44 hour drive, a drunk neighbor lady smashed into my car and drove off, a man broke into our apartment at 2:00 a.m. (he claims it was just an honest mistake) and I woke up in my sleeping bag next to a pile of vomit left by the previous tenant.   I was unable to recover damages from the drunk neighbor, though I compensated myself with entertainment that included repeatedly lighting firecrackers in her apartment, and standing on top of her boyfriend and pouring water on his head, as he tried to crawl from his car to their apartment, in either a very drunk or incredibly stealth move.  We had a drug crazed neighbor smash the front picture window and his girlfriend entered our apartment with a rifle in her hands and blood dripping off her body, as she attempted to escape him.  We lived in the slums.

My friend is a good person and he now lives in a very nice home in the suburbs, so I’m not sure why he chose to rent where he did.  I attempted to get him to move to a nicer location, though he could never commit to the higher rent required.  I ultimately returned to the Midwest, and he also did later.

Recently, my wife and I decided to rent an apartment in Taipei, which is 100 km north of our beautiful home in a gated community. The apartment was necessary because our daughters attend school in Taipei.  My wife selected the apartment when I was in the U.S. and based on her Chinese frugality, it is low cost.  Besides the usual downside of living in a very low end neighborhood, we have other issues to contend with.  The landlord asked that we not use the only bathtub in the only bathroom, because it was about to break.  She asked that we stand over the toilet and spray water as a shower.  We have refused to do that and have showered in the tub, which is now cracked. 

We have a hoarder lady living below us that participates in the lucrative recycling trade (more about this in the future), however her apartment stinks and she yells loudly at any time of the day.  The old couple across the hall screams loudly at each other often.  The man supposedly has dementia and his wife cannot control him, but I think it may be the other way around.  She locks him out of the 4^th floor apartment, trapping him on the balcony.  He yells to us to please release him.  When we don’t release him he calls us heartless.  They prefer to scream at night and early morning, though they are extremely versatile and can scream at all hours. The upstairs neighbor doesn’t scream ever, but she enjoys vacuuming her hard surface flooring above our bedroom at 3:00 a.m.  We live in the slums.

My wife regrets the choice and we have a new upscale apartment being prepped for us in a nice neighborhood.  The new building represents typical luxury Taipei real estate.  The Chinese would prefer to own real estate over any other asset type. Mainland China restricts the number of properties you can own, so a great deal of money flows to Taiwan.  The ratio of sell prices to rent is by far the highest in the world, with Monaco a distant second.  Even though Chinese own many multi-million dollar apartments, they don’t necessarily choose to rent them out, and often prefer to leave them vacant.  It is hard to rent an apartment in Taipei and it is even harder to justify buying one, when the price/rent ratio is crazily upside down.  Leases are typically for 3 years and require significant prepayments.

Living in the slums hasn’t been all bad.  I appreciate watching how the people live and the simple joys they seek.  One neighbor has a bird with the most beautiful song I have heard.  Most neighbors grow wonderful houseplants; there is no shortage of flowers in the area.  Crime is low and I actually don’t have too many complaints.

I look forward to moving into our new 19^th floor apartment, which includes the use of an indoor swimming pool, gym and underground parking.  I also look forward to nice bathrooms and a big kitchen.  “Well we're movin’ on up, to the east side, to a deluxe apartment in the sky.”   

April 7-new update on the screaming neighbors.  The man with dimentia decided he could no longer deal with the hoarder lady and her stinking apartment, so he broke into her apartment to confront her, which led to a large screaming episode.  The neighbors across the alley couldn't stand the screaming so they began screaming that they were trying to sleep.  I want to scream too...

I have attached a picture of our neighborhood and a lady involved in the lucrative recycling trade, which will be featured in a future blog.